I'll play:

“The latest in a series of lawsuits was filed against Apple today, this time by Palm, Inc.
The company, best known for producing the insanely awesome, but failing Pre and Pixi, filed claim today, alleging that Apple infringed on over 9000 of their patents relating to their revolutionary iPhone and iPad’s user interface, user interaction methods, and underlying architecture. In conjuncture with their lawsuit, the company has also filed a complaint with Zeus, asking that they put an immediate stop to Apple’s export of iPhone glass to Mount Olympus.
Apple has announced that they have let go of their entire legal department, replacing them with a new prototype device called the "iLawyer" that totally does not exist, but is insanely great.
Jony Ive’s first action on behalf of Apple, was to file a countersuit against Palm, claiming that they had infringed on over 9001 of their patents for the Pre, Pixi and elements of their interaction interface.
Speaking on behalf of Apple, Mr. Jobs stated that “Apple cannot simply sit by while evil companies tarnish our name and try to destroy our revolutionary iPhone OS devices.”