This Week's Sponsor:

Kolide

Ensure that if a device isn’t secure it can’t access your apps.  It’s Device Trust for Okta.


Steve Jobs’ New Year’s Resolutions for 2011

Scoopertino makes up some funny stories, and this one is no different. It’s actually quite hilarious. Steve Jobs wrote down his 2011 New Year’s Resolutions on a napkin and someone in Starbucks has retrieved it. Hmm, sounds like another joke about an iPhone prototype and a bar. Enjoy the fake news of the day. Or is it?

Palo Alto, CA — Uh-oh. Another piece of top-secret Apple material has been left behind in a public place. Only this time the culprit is Steve Jobs himself.

A napkin bearing Steve’s hand-scrawled New Year’s resolutions was picked up by an astute patron in a Palo Alto Starbucks after the Apple CEO rushed out to take a call.

After a brief bidding war with Gizmodo, Scoopertino has taken possession of the napkin and proudly presents this teardown:

The napkin is standard-issue Starbucks beige. Written in what appears to be a thin Sharpie, black, are ten numbered resolutions. It cannot be determined if they are in ascending or descending order of importance. Three mug stains appear to be random.

Some of Steve’s resolutions are shocking and/or surprising, while others suggest a playful CEO who enjoys pranking the likes of Mark Zuckerberg — and fleeing the likes of Steve Wozniak.

Resolution #1 — Keep the Verizon myth going — will likely rock Wall Street today. Resolution #5 — Reject more apps, just for fun — shows a CEO who delights in his work. Resolution #9 may have even the most fervent Apple fans questioning their faith — Upgrade to iPhone 4 when antenna gets fixed.

Apple’s PR department declined to respond, saying they do not comment on unreleased resolutions.

[via Scoopertino]

Unlock More with Club MacStories

Founded in 2015, Club MacStories has delivered exclusive content every week for over six years.

In that time, members have enjoyed nearly 400 weekly and monthly newsletters packed with more of your favorite MacStories writing as well as Club-only podcasts, eBooks, discounts on apps, icons, and services. Join today, and you’ll get everything new that we publish every week, plus access to our entire archive of back issues and downloadable perks.

The Club expanded in 2021 with Club MacStories+ and Club Premier. Club MacStories+ members enjoy even more exclusive stories, a vibrant Discord community, a rotating roster of app discounts, and more. And, with Club Premier, you get everything we offer at every Club level plus an extended, ad-free version of our podcast AppStories that is delivered early each week in high-bitrate audio.

Choose the Club plan that’s right for you:

  • Club MacStories: Weekly and monthly newsletters via email and the web that are brimming with app collections, tips, automation workflows, longform writing, a Club-only podcast, periodic giveaways, and more;
  • Club MacStories+: Everything that Club MacStories offers, plus exclusive content like Federico’s Automation Academy and John’s Macintosh Desktop Experience, a powerful web app for searching and exploring over 6 years of content and creating custom RSS feeds of Club content, an active Discord community, and a rotating collection of discounts, and more;
  • Club Premier: Everything in from our other plans and AppStories+, an extended version of our flagship podcast that’s delivered early, ad-free, and in high-bitrate audio.